Closing a Chapter
First let me bring all of you up to speed; my team and I have sought the Lord and we have decided to leave Phuket and go to Chiang Mai. There are many reasons why we made this decision but ultimately it's about hearing and obeying God's voice. So we will fly out of Phuket this Sunday night. We're all very excited and ready to go and experience something new especially since the ministry options here in Phuket have been so few. We'll be doing the same type of ministry as we've been doing here; as the Thai's say, "Same, same; but different." We'll be working with a YWAM ministry called Lighthouse.
We said goodbye to Pi Add today. We went by and took her a pineapple and we just talked and fellowshipped. She wouldn't let us finish the work that we came to finish but just wanted us to sit with her and talk. One of the team members asked if she had a Bible and she came and pulled out this leather bound Bible that you knew was her prize possession. She explained how every morning she comes and sits outside and reads it. She told us where she was reading and was asking us what we were reading. I told her, "Pi Add, I want to be like you. You love God, you serve those in need; you're an amazing woman of God." She smiled and beamed with thanks and it was in her eyes that I saw this was the first time someone had ever said that to her. She's been following the Lord since she was six years old, been through hell and back, lives in some of the worst conditions, her very life is constantly hanging in the balance, and yet she still loves God with all her heart, soul, mind and strength; who wouldn't want to be like that?! I told her how much of Jesus I see in her and that she's doing exactly what Jesus would do. She's such an amazing testament to the fact that doing what's right isn't doing what's easy. She suffers and struggles for doing what's right and that's probably why so many of us shy away from doing the right thing because of testimonies like these but great will be her reward in heaven. Oh I can't wait for the day when I see her in heaven and I get to behold the rich and vast treasures that she had waiting for her in her Father's house.
When we left she wept; ripped my heart out and I was so ready to just say, "Forget it, we'll stay!" But she thanked us for all that we had done for her and blessed us, hugged us and told us she loves us. She said, "You ever come back to Thailand, you come see me!" It was an easy promise to make.
I asked her where her mom is and the story I got from her is that her parents got divorced and the mom left Bon, as a baby, with her and they've never seen or heard from her since and these two old women have been caring for her. The whole time I'm wrestling with my calling and thinking, "I could do it, I could take her. I don't know how and I don't know what kind of life I could give her but it's got to be better than this." I'm going back and forth, back and forth; struggling with everything I know to be good and everything that I admire and count as right and worthy. "What would Jesus do? What's the right thing to do? How can this woman be offering me, a stranger, this child as if she were a second hand jacket or a plate of food?" Then to heighten the temptation to seize her offer, she pointed to some severe wounds on her legs. I had noticed the wounds a couple of weeks ago and I asked about them to her and several other of her friends and they said that she fell during exercise. I knew that was a lie and everything inside me, my counseling training, and this girl's behavior points to abuse. So I asked the woman if she fell- "No." I asked her if it was fire- "No." And then I asked her, "Man do this (pointing to her leg)?" and she said, "Yes." I told her that I'd go and talk to some people and that I'd come back and we'd discuss it tomorrow night. When I got up to leave she forcefully took my hand, placed it on Bon's head and began to say loudly, "You Bon's mama! You Bon's mama!" I left, again feeling like I was going to throw up and just cried. I came back down and Bon was waiting for me. She sat in my lap and wrapped my arms around her and said, "I no have mama, I no have papa." She kissed me on the cheek repeatedly and refused to leave my side. I honestly felt like one of the men in the bars in Patong who have all these girls all over them so desperate for love and commitment and they have no intention of giving them what they seek.
I have contacted Asia Center Foundation and made them aware of what's happened and what's going on. My biggest concern right now, apart from the abuse, is that the woman who cares for her would give her away to anyone. If I would have said yes, I'd have a child with me right now! What happens if the wrong person comes along and takes her to do only God knows what to her?! And if Asia Center Foundation won't take her then the Lord and I are going to have a big chat because something has to be done. I don't believe, right now, I'm the one to take her but I sure as heck would be committed to finding her an amazing home!
Heavy, heavy, heavy stuff. That's all I can say......Lord, O Lord does justice have a face! I'm afraid of this being something that I could potentially regret for the rest of my life. But I know that I just have to keep seeking God, doing what I can, and He'll show me what to do and give me strength to do it. I know that His peace walks hand in hand with His will...I'm counting on it.
That's been the biggest thing I've learned here in Phuket and it's that justice has a face. Statistics are becoming stories and facts are becoming faces. There's no turning back now....not ever. I'm a wicked person if I abandon all that I've been shown; if I allow myself to forget.
I think back to that night that God convicted me about injustice; how I had heard about modern-day slavery and sex slavery for so long and had done nothing; when He showed me the faces of all the women my apathy had raped. I think back to that very moment when the weight of conviction, profound sorrow and fear was crashing down on me like the weight of a waterfall pouring down on me. In that moment I had one brief second of hesitation where I said to God, "God, this isn't my mission field." And I'll never forget the fear of God that came upon me when He said, "It is now." Those words become more true everyday because "it is now."
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| Pi Add with one of the little girls she cares for. |
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| and older picture of Pi Add |
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Tonight some of our team baked cookies with some of the older Thai girls that we've befriended in the community. While they did that, the rest of us stayed out back to play and distract the rest of the kids. Well while we were out there one of the older ladies in the community who takes care of several of the girls and kids we've befriended came up and had me sit down next to her. She had a little girl named Bon sit on my lap and said, "You take her." "Excuse me?!" She said, "You like her? You take her. She no have mama, no papa. You take her." I felt as though my very breath was being taken away from me and all I could get out was a dumbfounded, "I cannot." She said, "You no like her?" Still in disbelief, "No I love her, I love Bon but I cannot take. I'm just a dekdek (Thai word for "child"). I cannot." And before I threw up on her, I left and went up stairs so I could breathe. On the off chance that she misunderstood and thought I was a part of the Asia Center Foundation, which is a YWAM ministry just a couple doors down from us that does take in children, I went back down and tried to sort it out with her. I went to her house and I sat down with her and asked if she thought I was from Asia Center Foundation but she had never heard of it. So I asked her if she want me to be Bon's new mama and she said, "Yes you take Bon. I give you."
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| This is Bon. |
I have contacted Asia Center Foundation and made them aware of what's happened and what's going on. My biggest concern right now, apart from the abuse, is that the woman who cares for her would give her away to anyone. If I would have said yes, I'd have a child with me right now! What happens if the wrong person comes along and takes her to do only God knows what to her?! And if Asia Center Foundation won't take her then the Lord and I are going to have a big chat because something has to be done. I don't believe, right now, I'm the one to take her but I sure as heck would be committed to finding her an amazing home!Heavy, heavy, heavy stuff. That's all I can say......Lord, O Lord does justice have a face! I'm afraid of this being something that I could potentially regret for the rest of my life. But I know that I just have to keep seeking God, doing what I can, and He'll show me what to do and give me strength to do it. I know that His peace walks hand in hand with His will...I'm counting on it.
That's been the biggest thing I've learned here in Phuket and it's that justice has a face. Statistics are becoming stories and facts are becoming faces. There's no turning back now....not ever. I'm a wicked person if I abandon all that I've been shown; if I allow myself to forget.
I think back to that night that God convicted me about injustice; how I had heard about modern-day slavery and sex slavery for so long and had done nothing; when He showed me the faces of all the women my apathy had raped. I think back to that very moment when the weight of conviction, profound sorrow and fear was crashing down on me like the weight of a waterfall pouring down on me. In that moment I had one brief second of hesitation where I said to God, "God, this isn't my mission field." And I'll never forget the fear of God that came upon me when He said, "It is now." Those words become more true everyday because "it is now."