Ya feel me?

Okay I'm going to level with you guys, be open and honest: this is hard!

The best way that I know how to describe how I'm feeling is through an analogy. So you know how in marriage, it starts out being all lovey-dovey and it's all emotions and attractions. But then the emotions start to fade and reality of your commitment sets in; you begin to see all the things that you don't like and all the things that turn you off, making it hard for you to love your spouse like you did before. You wonder what's wrong and try to think about what might have happened but then you just begin to push through and love your spouse whether you feel like it or not, whether you have emotions helping fuel your love or not; this is when true love unveils itself.
For me, I haven't been feeling the same things I felt in New Zealand; I absolutely loved that country, I was more in love with every new thing I saw and experienced; but I haven't had those feelings for Australia, if anything I'm actually afraid of most things I see here (all the spiders and all their hiding places). At the same time I'm surrounded by confirmations that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be; so I'm at an impasse, I can mope because I don't feel it or I can choose to love and serve regardless if I have the feelings to fuel it all. I know what I'm going to do but it doesn't make it easy.

I experienced a similar impasse in Thailand when we were in the red light districts and I just wanted to collapse and weep but we couldn't do that, we had to push past our feelings and emotions and do what we had come there to do.

I know that I'm exactly where God wants me and when I look ahead I get so unbelievably excited, but I still miss my family and friends...and that's ok, it doesn't mean I regret anything. The same love that made me say, "I do" to the Lord's call hasn't left, it's the thing that keeps me saying, "Yes", the thing that keeps me pushing onwards. I love the Lord and I love the life that He's called me to, I just don't feel it all the time :-)

Ya feel me?