Beautiful Days
Week one of being back in New Zealand is not only over but through it begins the end. There is now only one week left of this 6 month experience............just had to pause to really soak in that sentence.
This week Patrick Dodson has been teaching on calling and identity, outreach teams have presented their outreach presentations, everyone presented their Face of Me identity projects, started having exit interviews, and with whatever time we had in between we spent catching up with each other and on sleep.
Being back with everyone has been great. At first the three month gap in between us all was a bit daunting and a little hard to swallow but once we started talking we realized that even though we had all changed so much, who we were was still the same. Now it almost feels like we never left.
Being back in Auckland has been great. The air isn't pure pollution, I understand people when they speak to me, I can flush my toilet paper, I can wash my clothes and dry them in a dryer, I can be alone, and the spiritual tension that always existed in Thailand isn't here. I didn't realize how tense I was in Thailand until I was out; I can see now how I was never able to fully relax or feel comfortable there. Nor did u realize how much my spirit was doing battle with the darkness that seeped out from the temples that always surrounded us. But as far as adjusting to Western life I've just jumped right back in. I keep remembering what a speaker on our school said when I asked her how she goes from being in extreme poverty in India to the West. She told me that when she's in India she's all there and when she's home she's all home; that she doesn't try to bring India home or bring home to India but just dives into the culture and the ways of life wherever she is. So I've just tried to jump in and be all here not trying to make the stories of Thailand the stories of Auckland and I'll seek to do the same in the States. It is hard, it's not the easiest transition in some ways. One way is that it's been really hard to give money to beggars here, beggars that were begging three months ago and are still begging. I see them and I'm just so reluctant to give because of the poverty I've seen in Thailand; those people have no choice yet here's someone who does have a choice and yet chooses to live like this. Again, I'm trying not to transfer stories of nations but simply admitting it's difficulty.
I'm realizing that I still have a lot to process from Thailand. I've processed what we've done and the work we did but I'm still processing what I saw; being such a visual person makes the images manifest. It's the people I met, their stories and their realities that I'm still processing. What do I mean by processing? I'm trying to figure out what justice looks like for them, I'm trying to figure out what God's doing about them, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with this knowledge and with these stories, and I'm trying to just learn how to live with these memories. My once innocent, child-like and little-girl view of the world has been crushed. It's the same kind of trauma you might experience if you found out your neighbor was a pedophile; where you once felt safe and protected, you no longer do and what you once saw as good and right no longer is. The world's a scary place, thats not a halting statement but rather a reality check. Yeah the world's a scary place "welcome to the real world"; right? Right, but we can't stop.
So you're probably all wondering about "home"; when I'm coming, what I'm doing, etc. I'm home now but I'm coming to the States on March 29. I am going to love on my family (period). This has been really hard for all of us but especially hard for them because, fortunately for me, I've had so much to distract myself with. So I'm going home to love them, to serve them, and to bless them. The same goes for my friends. I'll also be working on raising support which may or may not include recording an EP, I'm still seeing how doable that will be with schedules and timeframes. I'm staying in FL for no more than 3 months and then I'm back to Auckland for 2 years (at least) of staffing with YWAM Auckland Central. The reason for me only visiting for 3 months is just that, it's a visit and any more than 3 months and things get complicated.
But before the hugs and the reunions can happen I have to finish here. Finishing means saying goodbye to people who mean so much to me and saying the end to an amazing experience. Graduation is on the 25th and then people start heading home. Crazy how fast it's gone and how fast it's going. These are beautiful days of unity, memories and nostalgia. I hope to suck them dry of all they have to offer.
This week Patrick Dodson has been teaching on calling and identity, outreach teams have presented their outreach presentations, everyone presented their Face of Me identity projects, started having exit interviews, and with whatever time we had in between we spent catching up with each other and on sleep.
Being back with everyone has been great. At first the three month gap in between us all was a bit daunting and a little hard to swallow but once we started talking we realized that even though we had all changed so much, who we were was still the same. Now it almost feels like we never left.
Being back in Auckland has been great. The air isn't pure pollution, I understand people when they speak to me, I can flush my toilet paper, I can wash my clothes and dry them in a dryer, I can be alone, and the spiritual tension that always existed in Thailand isn't here. I didn't realize how tense I was in Thailand until I was out; I can see now how I was never able to fully relax or feel comfortable there. Nor did u realize how much my spirit was doing battle with the darkness that seeped out from the temples that always surrounded us. But as far as adjusting to Western life I've just jumped right back in. I keep remembering what a speaker on our school said when I asked her how she goes from being in extreme poverty in India to the West. She told me that when she's in India she's all there and when she's home she's all home; that she doesn't try to bring India home or bring home to India but just dives into the culture and the ways of life wherever she is. So I've just tried to jump in and be all here not trying to make the stories of Thailand the stories of Auckland and I'll seek to do the same in the States. It is hard, it's not the easiest transition in some ways. One way is that it's been really hard to give money to beggars here, beggars that were begging three months ago and are still begging. I see them and I'm just so reluctant to give because of the poverty I've seen in Thailand; those people have no choice yet here's someone who does have a choice and yet chooses to live like this. Again, I'm trying not to transfer stories of nations but simply admitting it's difficulty.
I'm realizing that I still have a lot to process from Thailand. I've processed what we've done and the work we did but I'm still processing what I saw; being such a visual person makes the images manifest. It's the people I met, their stories and their realities that I'm still processing. What do I mean by processing? I'm trying to figure out what justice looks like for them, I'm trying to figure out what God's doing about them, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with this knowledge and with these stories, and I'm trying to just learn how to live with these memories. My once innocent, child-like and little-girl view of the world has been crushed. It's the same kind of trauma you might experience if you found out your neighbor was a pedophile; where you once felt safe and protected, you no longer do and what you once saw as good and right no longer is. The world's a scary place, thats not a halting statement but rather a reality check. Yeah the world's a scary place "welcome to the real world"; right? Right, but we can't stop.
So you're probably all wondering about "home"; when I'm coming, what I'm doing, etc. I'm home now but I'm coming to the States on March 29. I am going to love on my family (period). This has been really hard for all of us but especially hard for them because, fortunately for me, I've had so much to distract myself with. So I'm going home to love them, to serve them, and to bless them. The same goes for my friends. I'll also be working on raising support which may or may not include recording an EP, I'm still seeing how doable that will be with schedules and timeframes. I'm staying in FL for no more than 3 months and then I'm back to Auckland for 2 years (at least) of staffing with YWAM Auckland Central. The reason for me only visiting for 3 months is just that, it's a visit and any more than 3 months and things get complicated.
But before the hugs and the reunions can happen I have to finish here. Finishing means saying goodbye to people who mean so much to me and saying the end to an amazing experience. Graduation is on the 25th and then people start heading home. Crazy how fast it's gone and how fast it's going. These are beautiful days of unity, memories and nostalgia. I hope to suck them dry of all they have to offer.