Offense

In my past, and probably still lingering in my present, I have set a many a bridges on fire with flames of offense. I know I've offended a lot of people in my life. It's been a long journey getting me to accept and embrace the "grays" in myself, let alone in others, when for so long it was all so black and white. That black and white perception combined with my lifelong struggle against holding my tongue, of course, did more than rub people the wrong way, in many cases, it left them scalped and in need of skin-graphs. lol

But, that was a long time ago. Thankfully, I'm not so quick to pass judgement anymore. I take great pride in the fact that it takes a lot to shock me. People tell me they feel safe around me because they know they won't be judged or looked down upon. I can't tell you how wonderful and grateful that makes me feel.

I'm sure I still am offending people. And it really can't be helped. We'll always be offending someone. It's just funny how the tables of offense have turned in my life. Before, I think I was offending everybody; "saved", "unsaved", it didn't matter. But, now it seems the people I offend more often than not are people in the church; or maybe I should say, "the people that are offended by me..."

I say naughty words. I drink. I smoke cigars and hookah. I make sexual jokes. I watched Magic Mike! And if that wasn't enough to damn me, I unabashedly wrestle with and dissect my religion; asking heretical questions like, "Why?" Clearly I've got a timeshare in Hades right next door to Mephistopheles.

But even though I may hold some decided opinions about why I do what I do and don't do what I don't, it's not put out there to ostracize; it's my life, it's who I am, but even then it's not something I throw out there and force you to accept. I'm not intentionally looking to offend people. Infact, because of my past offenses, I am very careful to try not to. Put simply, if I feel comfortable and safe around you, I'll act comfortable around you and you'll see the me that my folks see, my family sees, and my friends see.

We're all like that. Our souls are like hermit crabs looking for safe places to reveal ourselves and be free. And if we lived in a perfect world, there would only be safe places- there would be no need to hide.

Recently I was around some people that made me go back in my shell. I had started to feel really comfortable around them and then some off-hand comments were made about a certain "swear word" being said (not by me oddly enough). The message that comment sent to me was, "This is not a safe place." All the sudden my mesh filters are up and I'm sifting through thoughts and reactions carefully deciding what should pass through and what I should keep to myself; the TSA invaded my mind. It made me feel incredibly lonely and it lingers still.

And it's not just this one incident, there are countless others and they are happening all the time to all sorts of people. And yes there will always be someone who is offended. And yes, I agree, Jesus did offend people. And yes, I'd agree further that Truth is offensive just as light is offensive to the dark. YES, YES, YES. Okay.

There is so much irony in the things that offend Christian people and how easy it is to do it. A group of passionate evangelist types getting offended at how I talk...A group of zealous advocates against human-trafficking getting offended by vulgarity, nudity, or things of a sexual nature...Another group getting offended by questions...and so on and so on. To myself I think, "God, do they really know what they doing or what they're getting into? You're getting offended at me?? and I'm on your team! How the hell do you intend on "reaching" all us heathens exactly?" Or, "I'm sorry do you have any idea what kind of scene you are entering? You want to go into redlight districts to rescue girls caught in sex-slavery and you are disgusted at the faint sex scene in that movie?! Do you think they'll find your shock and disgust inviting??".....And then sometimes I just think, "Screw you and all your types!"

One of the kindest things God ever revealed to me was that He does not get offended by me. 'He sees me and He knows me and He loves me through and through.' And that makes me feel so safe and warm, so loved and accepted, so free and light. I can just be me and I don't have to worry about bullshit filters with Him because there's no filter that can hide my true thoughts and feelings from Him anyway. And because I don't have the hassle of going through security and customs and x-rays with Him, we can just get right to the point and avoid all the rigmarole. *insert note of praise for the TSA drenched in bitter sarcasm* It is such a comfort to know that I cannot ever shock Him, no matter what I conjur.

And I just think that if God can be so graciously unoffended, why do we (the people of God) line our hearts with offense that only pushes people further away from us and us further away from them? Maybe if we believed in that kind of God more people would feel like they belong with Him afterall.

And maybe I'm totally off. Maybe I've offended you.

At any rate, I'm working on it.